So, this is how we party now?

As I lay horizontal, his fingers brushed against me and then, pressing harder, went deeper. I moaned. He’d found the spot. In a matter of minutes, he’d made me feel so good. We’d only just met! In the shopping centre.

You’ve got a dirty mind! I was at a massage place suffering from back pain, again. Yet as I lay there trying to relax, yet in pain, I imagined I’d just found my dream guy. Awkwardly composing myself after my 30 minute massage, I actually looked at him properly. I came out of my ‘I could live like this getting massages every week’ haze and realised he wasn’t my future husband.

I just went home to my housemate like I usually do.

We partied into the night… ha, no we didn’t!

I’ve spent the last three months with my dog (Interspersed with seeing my family). Apart from a few walks with a friend, that’s about it for the next few months as well I fear.

I turn 40 this year and had dreamt of 40th parties all year long. Now I send my birthday friends birthday cards and ‘thoughts’ and that’s about all we can do. Parties have been postponed with many having to make decisions about ‘the biggest day of their lives’- choose to delay their wedding or just get married with their partner and a celebrant. Even funerals can only have a few attend. But I’ve found a party loop hole! Need more than 10 people? Go down the isle at the isles of Chemist Warehouse.

Who really wants to leave the house now though? COVID-19 has caused a lot of social anxiety. If someone says they went for drinks I now ask, where? I just can’t imagine going out now. An old friend said we should catch up and instead of feeling excited, a wave of anxiety washed over me- what would I wear? Where would we go? What would I say? Even my family just talks about the Corona virus ar times. It’s become the centre of every conversation and there’s no getting away from it.

This person is still living her best life! I was just on my way to the doctors (sigh).

Go bra-less! Oh wait, you probably already are. When social distancing in the house anything goes. Anything goes… but not on a Thursday night, please. My neighbours have the time of their life every Thursday.

I’ve spoken to them time and time again. I’ve called out the window. I’ve left them the noise regulations and I’ve called the police. I called the police again last night. But now everything is about Covid.

“They should not be making noise after 10pm on a Thursday. Are you in a Covid ‘hot spot’? (No) Is there more than 6 people there? (Probably four) If you are unsure if there’s more than 6 we can’t do anything. Please speak to your local council about the noise.”

I’ve become THAT person.

The grumpy older women giving the younger, carefree, people grief. However the younger people in Victoria are a bit too carefree right now in these Corona times (Daniel Andrews MP).

No matter what your age, we used to have so many events to look forward to: birthday parties, weddings, festivals, concerts but that’s all changed now. I hope that you can find a way to still live your best life in these times. But think of your neighbours!

Try Chemist Warehouse.

Mansplaining 2020

“I come from a land down under,

Where women glow

and men plunder!”

This song, Down Under, was written in 1980 about life in Australia (it can’t have sounded that good then either but we like to laugh at ourselves) but it now applies to dating in 2020.

COVID-19 has added another layer of complication to modern dating. I have to admit that when I heard that dating sites were encouraging video dates my mind screamed “hell, no!”. It’s hard enough trying to get to know men in person. It’s also already difficult enough trying to put your best foot forward and get dates to see past superficial looks and have them want to get to know you. The saying is that the camera adds 10 pounds! No way Jose.

woman using smartphone in bed

Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

If only it was easy.

cheerful man using laptop for video call

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Mansplained demystified some of the common things said online. Here’s part two.

Heeeyyyyyyyyy

I cant be bothered putting any effort in. Until I know you’ll put out! Just reaching out to many and dangling my doodle to see who replies. 

*Same goes for wyd? hyd? Up to?

I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now”

 I have an F buddy, a ‘girlfriend material’, and a ‘back up plan’ so my vacancy depends on which one goes to shit first/they are busy tonight.

Also: I have no intention of anything with you right now but clubs are closed, can’t go to the footy and housemate is doing online trivia, I’m bored as shit!

* I recommend this guy if you are also bored as shit and not looking for anything. He’ll ghost you after a boink as he said he didn’t know what he was looking for.

Shall we get off this app?”

Translation: Let’s go on to another app that makes it easier to send dirty photos/easier to stalk you on Facebook/easier to hide from my girlfriend/F buddy that I’m still on Tinder.

*This does make it easier to send endless shit chat or photos rather than Tinder popping up on your phone during tea with Mum.

photo of disc jockey performing
Photo by Mwabonje on Pexels.com

Used to DJ. Once. Ten years ago. Never let the dream go.

photo of man kissing his dog

Photo by Charles Roth on Pexels.com

Dog not mine. Have an 8 year old kid though that I don’t see.

What are you looking for?”

Will you come to my house on the first date/be cautious about Covid restrictions or are you ready to walk on the wild side and go along with anything I suggest?

Do you live with anyone?”

Who will I have to make awkward small talk with/can I shit at your place/have I banged your housemate/will I catch Corona? Will you drive to my place instead?

Not into games or drama”

Just wants to keep it simple? Ha, no. Doesn’t like it when girls talk back/question/think for themselves/call them out on their bullshit. Just wants to get in and get out. Corona free. There’s many memes to explain how to ‘plunder’ in COVID times and reduce the drama of making lurve face to face. 

Who doesn’t want to play games!

food is bae wooden decor

Photo by Shamia Casiano on Pexels.com

Add in technology burn out, there’s no way I’m sitting on the apps right now! My man is also burnt out and waiting to meet me in person…

man wearing black headset

Photo by Ola Dapo on Pexels.com

Good luck to the video daters right now.

Tiny little ants almost brought me down!

My accomodation in Ubud, Bali is a ‘home stay’. If you’ve never been before the cheapest accomodation is a hostel, then home stay, and the upper eschalon a hotel. Let me set the scene… beautiful carved wooden doors, sculptures over the door frames, white drapes, four poster bed, beautiful Balinese bathroom with stone floor shower. Oh and then they made me change rooms! Bathroom- tiles from top to bottom with a shower facet that’s smaller than me that sprays the wall unless you take out the hand held option and shower one handed whilst holding the other hand over your head like a weird monkey dance. I am staying on Monkey Forest Road!

Before

After

All of the rooms seem beautiful with garden views. No TV. No kitchen. The staff bring you a flask of tea each day. Lovely.

I’m trying to be more positive in 2020. I finished 2019 with a lot of anger, pent up resentment, fatigue, and frustration. I spoke with a friend and admitted that at times my downfall may be my own stupidity and I wondered, do a lot of things go wrong for me?! Some things are out of my control. That day my flight to Bali with Jetstar was cancelled and my tenants gave notice to leave my investment property. But this story is of one of the tiny little moments that led to my stupidity.

Daily balancing my blood sugars whether my body has too much sugar to process, or not enough, I found myself needing a sugary tea. So I stirred sugar into my cup of tea poured from the homestays daily flask. Problem solved and I went about my day. Later that night, quite parched and almost out of bottled water, I poured myself another cup of tea in the dark room. It was cold and putrid! And wriggling! I ran to the bathroom to spit out what I had left in my mouth and as I turned on the light I found the cup was filled with tiny ants floating around having a tea spa. Gross! I cursed the homestays stupid daily flask!

I washed out the cup to try to get rid of the ants and saw tiny grains of sugar stuck to the bottom of the cup. It wasn’t the hotels flask that the ants had crawled in to. It was my sugary cup I’d left out all day. Totally my fault!

It felt like the ants were still alive, floating down my throat and trying to swim to survive. I coughed. I dry heaved. I rinsed my mouth out with what water I had left. They weren’t going anywhere. After awhile things calmed down but I felt they had bitten my throat on the way down. It felt sore. Maybe swollen. Oh geez, what if these tiny ants bit my throat? What if I have an anaphylactic reaction?

close up photo of ant

Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

I googled “Swallowing tiny ants” but that wasn’t helpful. Tried “tiny ants bit my throat”. That was a minefield. The most helpful thing I read said a reaction usually occurs in 2 hours. Okay, I’d try to relax and see if it got worse. I tried to watch Netflix but I imagined my throat getting tighter, it felt swollen but my tongue wasn’t swollen. I had my ventilin and some antihistamines just in case. Back to relaxing.

Fourty- five minutes later it felt no worse but no better! I took some more ventilin and if you’ve ever had to inhale ventilin you know it can make you a bit shaky. I looked at the time and it was getting later. I really had to go to sleep because I was getting picked up at 2am to go for a sunrise hike. I started to panic! What if I fell asleep, couldn’t breathe and didn’t wake up? What should I do? If I go to reception (because there’s no phones in this place) they barely speak English, they won’t know what to do! Do I try to sleep and if I wake up gasping, I can go outside and yell for help? I put clothes on. Even if I try asking the Balinese for advise they’ll probably just ask if I want the hospital. I can’t sit at a hospital for hours if I don’t need to. I’ll miss the hike and lose my money.

I can’t call my parents (like I usually do). It’s too late in Australia and I need to be a grown up. What would a grown up do?? Well I bought travel insurance for a reason. I’ll look up their emergency hotline. And the wifi stopped working. So I turned on my mobile data to find my Medibank Health Insurance.

Medibank email: The Medibank Travel Insurance helpline is 1300 362 544.

No answer, this number is Australia only. Add the international dial code, doesn’t work.

PDS: Our emergency assistance team is available to help 24 hours a day. Contact details can be found on your Certificate of Insurance (COI)

COI: Call Australia on +61 (2) 8907 5672.

No answer.

Left brain: relax. Right brain: panic!

I know, I’ll try Australia’s ‘Nurse on call.’

Won’t connect, it’s just an Australian 1300 number.

Its now been two hours. I can either make a big deal out of this or just go to sleep. I suddenly feel an inescapable sob jump out of me. I’m meant to climbing a friggin volcano in a few hours! FFS! Why does this shit happen! And then I realise… maybe I’m panicing because I’m going to attempt to climb a volcano… 

I make my decision. I’m going to go to sleep. They are just tiny little ants and I’m a big human. Humans have drunk ants before and survived. Humans have climbed volcanos before and survived. I’m a survivor. I’ll be fine.

And I was!

When I got out of bed again at 1:30 am I couldn’t believe that those tiny ants were almost my downfall. 2020 needs to be different for me. 2020 will be different for me. I better get started on that!

BF8E06E7-430D-418E-8049-3327689B632C

 

Doing it for the girls (who can’t)

I was stuck in the check-in queue for over an hour at the airport so I had no choice but to look around at everyone else waiting. Mostly families, then couples and a few single people squeezed in between them all. I watched on as most of the men were doing the heavy lifting. There was some really tall, strong, long haired men… ahhh there’s a flight to Auckland.

Maori men. Think Jason Mamoa but the New Zealand version without as much personal training. Still strong.

https://bookingagentinfo.com/celebrity/jason-momoa/

I was on my way to Indonesia, Bali, for a week of relaxation and adventure. These men were balancing bags, kids, and societies expectations of strong men, doing a wonderful job. I happened to be behind an Indian family: two males, two adult females and a young girl. The men did nothing but hold up the queue. However I ignored them and focused on the strapping young- middle aged men looking after their families. My heart ached a bit for that. I felt a whisper of desire. If I have an aura, it turned green and spread out enveloping them as if I could turn that into my own life.

I stood alone. Balancing my bags and dragging them along with my singledom as we took miniature steps around the walkway like a cattle call. A bad back and type 1 diabetes, I would have loved someone to help me. I imagined my invisible partner placing his hand on my lower back..

“You going okay?” he’d check on me.

“Here babe, I’ll take that bag. You take this lighter one,” he’d say.

It took over an hour but I’d be sprinkled with little reassuring kisses and a few stops for a hug as we tried to be patient and shuffled along together. It would be fine, it was an adventure together. We’d give each other funny glances, reading each other’s minds as we watched other people. Oh we were so in love!

pexels-photo-698885

Then I noticed a young family. A couple and their daughter. The man stood in front of them with his ear phones in and ignored his daughter pulling on the back of his trousers for attention. He had two bags but the mother had a bag, a pram and was looking after the young girl. Hmmmm this was more realistic. I remembered the fights I’ve had with previous partners. The stress of getting two people packed, out the door and at the airport on time. I only had to worry about one person. I suddenly felt lighter and that seeking aura of jealousy snapped back, quite quickly, and returned to me standing alone.

I’m powerful on my own. I can do things in my own time, based on my own decisions and there’s no one to argue with or make me feel bad.

So maybe those families and couples were looking at me with jealousy.

“I wonder where she’s off to on her own and what delightfully free adventures she’s going to get up to?” they’d ponder.

“Look at her smaller bag” they’d glance at each other.

“Oh to not have anyone whinging at me or pulling on me”, they’d dream.

Every time I said to someone that I was going to Bali their response was “Who are you travelling with?”

The driver that picked me up said that it’s unusual to travel alone in Bali for the first visit.

I’m alone, but I’m free. I am financially independent, I am strong willed and I’m curious. I know there are thousands of women that can’t travel alone. They don’t have the money. They are too sick. They are scared. I’m doing this for you. Because I can. Yeah okay, it’s for me. I’m relatively fit and able, so I must. However I think that in doing this for myself, it says to everyone, everywhere that it’s okay to be alone. Or to try something new.

As a Dad was handed his families six passports to look after, I walked down the aerobridge swinging my arms free. Because I can!

photography of woman listening to music

Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

He was a skater boi

It’s been awhile friends but this is a story that had to be told! Please help me out… what happened??

He was a skater boy
She said, “see you later, boy”
He wasn’t good enough for her

-Avril Lavinge

It didn’t go quite like that… I met ‘J’ at a local pub after talking online for 24 hours. (You’ve got to meet in person to see if there’s a real connection.) I was the first to arrive so I found a table inside that I could also look out the windows and see his arrival. My dating fear is that they don’t look anything like their profile so I was on high alert.

low angle view of cat on tree

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Just sitting alone casually waiting for a friend (is the air I exude). I watched a man come in and look around, look at me, do a lap of the bar and walk out again. I breathed a sigh of relief ‘that doesn’t look like him’ as this older man didn’t pinpoint me. I had a fleeting thought that he had looked around and didn’t like what he saw so had promptly left. I wondered if many people did that?

My date was 7 minutes late- I’d messaged several friends, checked Facebook, Tinder (could have studied a new online course as the time dragged)- but he finally walked up to the table as a living, breathing profile pic, phew! We had just exchanged pleasantries and sorted out our beer preferences, when that same man walks back in again. After another lap, he turns to J and says “Do I know you from somewhere?”.  J looks reasonably perplexed for a few minutes as he tries to place him and then the two of them break out into smiles. They are mates and had been drinking in this same bar til the wee hours of the morning. I look at J and now the man named Ty as J tries to figure out what to do and whether it’s appropriate for him to sit down with us. He says something along the lines of “I’m just catching up with Starfish” and I throw out an awkward offering “Give us 10 minutes.”

In that 10 minutes, J leans in and whispers across the table “Don’t tell him we met on Tinder!”. We come up with a backstory of meeting at one of the local pubs… but that’s about it before we realise Ty is sitting alone, about one metre away from us. Come on over.

I was so ameniable to his friend- this is normal, this is fun. I’m so easy going and casual… what fun.

In between Ty’s stories, I piece together bits about J and whether our ‘date’ is going well. We both like history… he likes my tattoo. Oh you have eight tattoos I say, well my fav number is eight. “Me too” he says. He plays bass guitar, so does my Dad. He skates regularly and was filming last night. I’ve got total respect for people that have practiced enough to do things on wheels. Chatter, chatter about music… I listen to Ty’s conspiracy theories as J goes to the toilet and disappears (smoking) for a good 10 minutes. J also goes to the bar a lot, he drinks fast. He gets a phone call from a mate that talks to both of them. I think I’m talking to Ty more than J.

“I like your dress. It suits your face.” Okay, one more point to J. But something has to change. Now Ty goes for a smoke and I lean over to J that it’s time to get our date back on track, “can we have some time alone now”?

We make our way outside to decide our next move and to let Ty down lightly. J asks “So are you into me? Do you want to kiss me?” So we have a little kiss. He tells Ty we are leaving…

See ya!

He’s very indecisive but we put together a rough plan of grabbing some beers from the shop and going back to his place. As we stand in front of the beer fridges his phone rings again, same mate. He mumbles to me “Let’s do this another time.” Um, okay. I’m over this! Outside he says again “Let’s pick this up again another time” and I start walking towards the bus stand, shaking my head, as he heads back towards… Ty.

WTF?!

person in front of man flying wearing hat during sunset

Photo by @joagbriel on Pexels.com

Part Two

At home I’m a little confused so I message him on Tinder that it was the weirdest rejection I’ve ever had. He says “come back”. Um, what! Oh he’ll pay for a taxi if I come back and stay at his house for a snuggle. I said, no. “You’ll have to live with your decision now.” I’m trying to think of the best here. Okay, maybe we had our first date and he was trying to decide if he likes me and was a bit distracted. So we could meet up another time. He can make it up to me. I look back online and he’s deleted me!

 

Girl on the shelf

 

Forget the elf on the shelf phenomenon, we are facing another world wide sensation: girl left on the shelf. Great women are still single and in this department store of life, being overlooked for other ‘toys’. Like the elf, girl on the shelf also moves around in different positions but when the buyers come along, there’s none that they want to go home with permanently. So they go back on the shelf. They’d rather be on the shelf doing funny poses and popping up in different places looking amazing!

The Bachelor Australia has just burst its way into our lives again with the social experiment that bachelor Matt has 25 girls to choose from! 1:25, yep that’s how I think it is in the real dating world too. Not only is there so many women to choose from on the show, there’s doubles of the types of women. Doppelgangers.

She looks like me!

A blonde cried out as another blonde girl walked in to be chosen from. (Nicole and Monique, Source: Network Ten)

She’s Persian!

The other Persian girl couldn’t believe it. (Sogand and Danush, source Network Ten)

Out there in the big wide world will be another version of The Little Starfish but with a flatter stomach or smaller boobs. There’s probably thousands alike. In fact, I know another great brunette, of the same age and body type, that lives up the street and she is probably swiping right on all the same guys that I’m swiping right. We shouldn’t have to compete with each other. However, like reality TV, it often comes down to ‘pick me, pick me’ or ‘why don’t they see I’m amazing’. The guys probably see these options in girls-

Rachel Corbitt, guest presenter on The Project last week proclaimed that she is 38 and single. She said that when people are talking to her about being single and not having a boyfriend or kids, they feel sorry for her. She made it clear that she doesn’t need anyone to feel sorry for her, saying “I have an amazing life.

When dating new people I get asked “why are you still single?” and I’ve tried various explanations. Everything from long rambling examples from the past few years to sassy feminist statements. A guy recently said to me “because I choose to be.” How simple and powerful is that?!

By saying no (swiping left) to all of the sleezy morons who can’t spell, I choose to be a girl on the shelf. Because I am amazing. I can only hope the 24 girls that The Bachelor says no to can hold their heads high. The selection process of finding a mate is brutal. Oh, but we love to watch it!

By a girl on a shelf.

Call off the search

When someone goes missing, a search starts day and night. But after a few days they begin to lose hope, less people are searching, the search is inconsistent, and after a long period of time, it’s called off all together. My boyfriend is missing.

I mean, he’s non existent.

My ideal boyfriend is missing.

I’ve been searching, high and low. After searching the online dating apps, I think it’s finally time to call off the search!

My friends don’t even search for me anymore. Even they have given up. Sure it’s exhausting so I’ve gone on and off the dating sites.

I actually had two people recommend I join e-harmony only two days apart. I had a little look as I thought it could be a sign. All the ads on TV sure make it look good.

Nope.

So I joined Tinder, for fun. I’m telling myself that I can be footloose and fancy free and just enjoy myself without worrying about whether they meet my expectations…. I’ll be casual whilst I’m still young enough to enjoy myself.

First mutual swipe right- chatty chat, talk about our dogs, some attraction, try to meet up. Can’t meet in first 3 days, now no reply. It’s a 21st century, instant gratification problem. Thank you, next.

Second mutual swipe right, that messages back- chatty chat, meet up same day! I know this is casual. I feel casual. The date goes really well. Before I know it, in the next 24 hours I’ve imagined our whole lives together! How does this happen?

Iliza Schlesinger calls it Girl Logic. How our brains process all of our past, present and future experiences: “The genius and the absurdity!”

I think the guys use their hunting tricks. They’ve evolved from cave men but now have other tricks to drag us back to their caves. They must know our brains go into overdrive or have these elaborate fantasies. On my date, he threw into our conversation:

You’re cute

You’re fun

I like you

I told my parents I was going on a date… they said when are you going to settle down and I replied, maybe this one.

Is tomorrow too soon for another date?

I’ll call you, should I call you tonight?

All of a sudden, I’m wanting more already. Do guys realise the carrots they dangle that give us hope? This guy is a player….

He didn’t call that night.

We didn’t meet a few days later like planned.

I received an invite during the next week to come over and wear my sexiest underwear.

I’m going to be more aware of the subliminal messages guys are sending and the manipulative words they use. Game on!!

A day in the life of a dog Mum

At school, I refer to my dog as my ‘fur baby’, to which my smart ass students ask “Did you give birth to her?” I reply as a smart ass… “Yes”!

This is for all the dog Mums and pawents to share the love and maybe get us a tiny bit of street cred as to why we refer to our dogs as babies! Those of you with human babies will have started off buying nappies or thinking about how to deal with poo disasters before they are toilet trained…. as do we (puppy toilet training pads or ‘floor nappies’). As a baby, they have to learn how to walk… so do puppies. I remember thinking that a dog just walks from day one but at twelve weeks old, after all their shots, they are still finding their feet, how far they can go and working out how to walk on a lead. So we carry them when they are tired and we coax them along just like a baby. We buy them toys and take a million photos as they grow. The similarities continue…

Is it a girl or a boy?

It’s traditionally pink for girls and blue for boys to identify your baby. Super old fashioned and a stereotype that needs to be thrown out, it stops the idiots on the street from asking mundane questions and misidentifying your baby. The confusion about my dogs sex is just as annoying. I ended up covering her in pink- pink collar, pink ID tag and a pink lead. ‘She’s a girl’ I’d cry out in my head when strangers approached us.

“Hello little fella”

“What a good boy”

“He’s a cutie”

I’d just referred to “she” chatting to a dude online. Can’t you read?!

Don’t eat that!

Whilst parents are worried about age appropriate soft toys and eating off the floor, I worry about dead birds, chicken bones, chop bones and a drunks left over Maccas mashed into the pavement.

She is so cute, people used to feed her dog treats through the fence. At the drive-in bottle shop, they offer dog treats through the window. They greet her at the vets with a little treat. Noooooo- she is allergic to EVERYTHING!

Is it a number 1? Number 2? Number 3….. ewwwwww

My friends that have had a baby comment on the poo disasters. Poop everywhere. The number 3 poo explosions are particularly hard to deal with and clean up. One poor little guy had gastro which was a complete nightmare!

“Car seat covered, bedding covered, child covered! Poo in the bed, poo on the floor, poo squirted in the portacot”

My doggo likes to roll in poo! If she runs off into the bush, she’s found wombat or kangaroo poo (just guessing) and down-dog pose to rub her neck and face in it. Sometimes rolls her whole body over it. Often just washed, she must be too clean. One day she rolled in a big dogs big sloppy poo and it was all over her face and neck and collar. She then tried to wipe off some on the grass, rubbing more of it into her face and eyes and choking.

Then there’s her own poo issues- I’ve wiped off messy poo, cut off dry poo, picked up a hell of a lot of poo everyday, broken bags with poo on my hands and running out of bags with improvising what the hell to do with the poo!

We struggle at bath time. Like your child cries or throws a tantrum, my baby hates the idea of a bath. Sometimes I get lucky and she can wash off in the ocean. Oh wait, this beach was covered in oil spills from the boats…. sigh.

Doctor, doctor!

A Mum proclaimed “Freaking continuous cold. Sodding day care.”

My house has been fleamageddon! After dog sitting in January, I have been fighting a flea pandemic that I continually seem to be losing.

She’s allergic as I mentioned….. allergic to meat and protein, grass, dairy, and gluten. (What’s left for her to enjoy? Carrots). She has skin infections, ear infections, bladder infections almost non stop. The Vet bills are non stop. So are the calls to Mum for advise… just like a baby.

Sleepless nights

There’s licking, scratching, crying, toilet needs, teething, wanting to sleep with Mum, nightmares, and sickness which means I haven’t slept through the night for almost seven years.

So… I call her my baby!

I’m not that naive and know that they are different. How many of you are dunking your babies in the ocean to get clean?!

Happy Easter!!

Rate my beaches

I decided to take a road trip down the Mornington Peninsula in Melbourne for the day. Amongst the tea trees are some of the most beautiful beaches in Victoria.

The first stop in Rosebud was so relaxing, not another person walking along the beach, sharing it with the swans and the boat birds. Whilst the town is filled with campers and fishing folk from the foreshore camping and casual pubs, they certainly weren’t on the beach.

My second stop in Sorrento was for lunch and as you walk towards the cafes you actually have to leave the beach views behind. Less campers here, more holiday makers staying in their beach houses and where the rich or famous come to play. Day trippers come over on the car ferry from Queenscliff. At the cafe with me, is Martha and Michael from Married at First Sight fame. A nasty piece of work on the show, she politely let two young girls have their photos taken with them.

If my life was like these beaches, I’d be calm and peaceful, beautiful and rich! My local beaches smell like salt and seaweed with all kinds of plastic and rubbish washed up. Then I found one that was roaring in Portsea….

Imperfect rock formations, worn away over the years by the wind and the waves. Like most of us, trying to stand their ground but everyday faced with being stood on and washed over with the surf pounding away.

Like a single girl, you had to make an effort to get close to it (all the many steep stairs) and it wasn’t just going to let anyone near. If you make the effort, it’s worth it!

On the way back, I couldn’t resist stopping at Shelley Beach and it didn’t disappoint. I was collecting old sea shells by the waves when a dog approached me to play ball. Accidentally ending up in the water I stepped towards it just as the tide was coming in, fast. My skirt was saturated as I ran back away from the water, ball in hand, laughing.

As I continued walking along with the dog, it kept running further and further away with the ball. I soon realised it was used to playing by itself.

It knew that if it left the ball by the water, the tide would push it back to it! It was playing ball all by itself.

You don’t need a partner to enjoy adventures. I had a great day out by myself with my love of the beach! I hope you do something enjoyable for yourself this weekend.

I am a feminine feminist

Some people still think of Feminism like it’s a dirty word! It’s not a lesbian, who no longer washes or shaves and hates men. What’s fun though…. is that it can be.

You can also be a feminine feminist!

I can never own enough dresses. Dresses work no matter what season. Throw on some leggings and boots during winter and get your legs out in summer. My colleague loves pink! Pink errrryythang! So what? It’s just a colour.

A Feminist just wants equality for all. They have a belief that you can be whatever and whomever you want to be. Blokes can be feminist. Don’t be scared and confused. It’s time to educate yourself!

feminist

dictionary.com

Feminine definition

It seems that we are in the fourth wave of feminism. How sad, that this is the fourth time we are trying to make a difference and get the world to stand up and listen so that changes are made. How many waves will it take?

The first wave of feminism came about from the suffragettes who worked hard to get women the right to vote. This continued throughout war times when the traditional role of women started to change and women found themselves working outside the home for the first time.

J.-Howard-Millers-We-Can-Do-It-poster-from-1943-495x640

J. Howard Miller’s We Can Do It poster from 1943.

The second wave of feminism was in the 70’s with Germaine Greer at the forefront. Women were still fighting to reduce inequalities, and change the roles of women in the family, the workplace, and to gain reproductive rights. “Feminists: What were they thinking?” Netflix Film interviews the women that posed for a book of photos “Emergence” by Cynthia McAdams during the height of this movement.

Be a good girl…. well that implies that we weren’t good girls. I’ve only known that ‘no’ can be a complete sentence in the last 10 years. (Jane Fonda)

In order to change it, we had to become disobedient (Judy Chicago)

Our bodies, our lives, our right to decide.

We want equality, we want it now (protesters chants)

The women’s naked body was no longer reserved for pornography. The body was a source of pride and of health. The body was to be celebrated and enjoyed.

The third wave of feminism came about in the 90’s- individuality and diversity was the goal. (As an 80’s born child, I don’t recall anything about this movement but I certainly had the privilege of looking and sounding just like one of the guys. There were less gendered experiences).

The fourth wave of feminism is now! This movement is to eliminate sexual harassment, assault, and misogyny. Think of the #metoo campaign where women are standing up and speaking out. We need to end violence against women. White Ribbon Australia states statistics like:

One woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner.
1 in 5 women have experienced sexual violence since the age of 15.

It’s not widely spoken about outside of teaching circles but the Australian Government undertook a Royal Commission into Family Violence and subsequently developed a program to be taught in schools ‘Respectful Relationships’. “Evidence shows that gender-based violence can be prevented by working with the whole population, and in this case, all schools, to address the attitudes, beliefs and knowledge that supports the prevention of violence.” (Department of Education)

Respectful relationships

227 recommendations were made! If we still need to make that many changes, what are you going to do differently?

Even if you are not female, everyone has a Mum, or Grandma, or sister, niece, cousin, aunt, girlfriend, wife and/or female friend. I want you to consider…. how could you NOT be a feminist?!

 

 

Single life

In its absolute most simplest form there’s three types of lifestyles- those with kids, couples, singles. Of course it’s natural to compare and contrast what life must be like. I love the comedy, parodies and challenges that come out!

Here’s some of the best:

With kids-

People with no kids don’t know

Comedian Michael McIntyre shows how impossible it is for him and his wife to leave the house with two kids! Highly worth a watch as he replicates trying to get his boy to school on time and planning on going to a new restaurant… say, never.

I agree, I certainly have no problems leaving the house:

Baby mugging- I was literally begging my friends to take photos of their babies ‘in a mug’. Check out http://www.babymugging.org

black and brown short haired puppy in cup

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Cheese challenge– taking a cheese slice and throwing it into your kids face to see if it sticks and they laugh.

No kids and single- 

Dog moms rap: it’s an oldie but a goodie.

Casually strolling with a turd in my hand…..

This song’s for all the ladies who provide for their pup.

‘Cause they say you ain’t my baby, but I know that ain’t true!

Yo I don’t need a man to come home to, cos my bed is a literal bone zone. Fall asleep to the sound of you licking your parts…. (T-Spoon & ZZ Tophalf)

Dog Cheese Challenge- don’t have a baby, just need cheese and a pet!

There’s just not enough around for the singles.

We make too much food and have no one else to eat it so it gets thrown out, or like me, have a freezer full of leftovers I don’t want. On the flip side, why cook for one, just eat too much takeaway!

There’s no one to help with maintenance jobs so I have one light out that I can’t reach. I google everything or call Mum and Dad for a second opinion.

Hi Mum, I’m just wondering…. can you give me a second opinion on… (I really don’t have a clue but I’m 38 and should stop calling my parents)

Google:

  • What is a cubic metre?
  • Where is Niger?
  • How many kids does Constance Hall have?
  • Can dogs overdose on flea medication?
  • What did Luke Perry die from? 😩

Working in HR, I’d get personal leave requests when employees had to be a carer. Fair Work Australia states eligibility for carers leave:

A member of the employee’s immediate family means a spouse, de facto partner, child, parent, grandparent, grandchild or sibling of an employee; or a child, parent, grandparent, grandchild or sibling of the employee’s spouse or de facto partner.

My family includes my parents, sister, dog and best friends. Is the immediate family definition old fashioned now?

We take melatonin to fall asleep by ourselves, coffee to wake us up in the morning. We tell our dogs about our day, and we ask them about theirs!

Don’t forget the single people.

Why we love Cruella de Vil characters

Have we all learnt from the Married at First Sight TV series that you can be cruel and popular? What a terrible message! Disney’s Cruella de Vil was both brunette and blond, representing all the cruel women. She was horrible and we were all worried about those puppies. Married at First Sights success is based around the same premise- we are all watching on to see if the puppies are okay and Cruella gets what’s coming to her.

Cruella has been played by Ines, Elizabeth, Susie, Cyrell and now Jessika. They havn’t cast many ‘normal’ girls as that doesn’t get the ratings. For last Sunday’s dinner party episode, 1.9 million viewers tuned in! (Source: Nine Comms)

The most watched show on Australia television.

MAFS Executive producer, Peter Walsh, claims they are not paid actors and it’s not scripted in an interview by Alex Carlton.  With the headline that he regrets this season, it’s just more hype for us to tune in to! A producer regrets nothing that gets 1.9 million viewers.

I think the reason we are intrigued by ‘car crash TV’ like MAFS is somewhat complicated. We want all these things:

1. They’ll get what they deserve and we get to see it! It’s rare that we have someone mean or rude in our lives and whilst we hope karma will bite them in the bum, or someone calls them on their bullshit, we don’t see the aftermath.

2. It distracts us from our real life or makes us feel better about our own issues.

3. It makes us feel connected- When others talk about it, we can join in with our thoughts and feelings. It becomes a real life social experiment for what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour to different people.

4. We are hopeful that good wins in the end! We have to check in on the puppies.

I had decided I wasn’t going to watch anymore. I wanted to take a stand against the lack of role models and decent people.

Girl code doesn’t exist to me …

Sam would make a really good Father because he looks great with his shirt off… (Ines, MAFS)

But MAFS talk comes up at parties on the weekend and at work during the week! My Mum and I text throughout the show when we watch it at the same time but live an hours drive away. Whatsapp messages with friends ping when Cruella does and says something stupid. As much as I hate it, I want to watch it for all the reasons above. Like the 1.9 million others, I’m sucked in.

You shall not pass!

Like I had Gandalf’s staff, I stomp my foot down and yell ‘you shall not pass!’ Blocking the entrance to pleasure town, he’s turned away and denied entry.

This is my memory of when I interfered with my house mates sexy time plans and intervened to prevent an absolute douchebag from crossing our apartment threshold.

Girls don’t often interfere with the pick up plans of our friends. However this house mate of mine was in a regular pick up cycle. She’d sleep with a guy and feel euphoric that she’d met someone and that an exciting adventure together would ensue but by the next weekend, he was gone. To pick herself back up from the blow to her self esteem, she needed to pick up again. And so I watched her on the merry-go-round from hell.

We lived together for 1.5 years and were both single together for at least a year of that time, living in a prime real estate spot in Melbourne with many bars to choose from for dancing and boys! My housemate and I were chalk and cheese though. Where she was blonde (fake), I am brunette. She, tall with high heels, I, average with flats. She tanned (fake) and me, pale. She sporty and I, chubby. With a kickarse attitude and dance moves, I wasn’t short on admirers on a dance floor but in a bar scenario, she was the clear favourite with the lads.

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She believed that if a man strode up to her and said things like:

I couldn’t help but notice you across the room. You are amazing. I must have you now…

Then that was true. A guy had truly seen the light and realised how amazing she was and picked her out in the crowd. I am more sceptical.

My favourite comedian, Iliza Shlesinger, and all round amazing chick puts it well (credit: Elder Mellenial)

And then I saw her.” And that lie becomes… A big part of our narrative as women, this hope that we will go out and a man is going to see us, save us, rescue us. It’s this hope that we’re going to be seen and that’s going to happen for us. And we all have this sort of shared fantasy where you walk into a… a club or a bar with five of your girlfriends who look exactly like you. And you walk in and a man picks you out of the crowd, sees you for the beautiful soul that you are, like, decides… like, there’s some DJ up there and he looks out and he’s, like… “Her.” And you’re, like, “Me?” And then your life begins, right?

So every weekend, my house mate thought this was going to happen for her.

In this particular bar, on a particular weekend, this particular guy carried out this fantasy for her. But he made one, HUGE, fatal error. It was just the two of us girls, and him. What did he do wrong? He ignored me!

This guys approach was so bad, he wouldn’t look at me when I was introduced. He stared into her eyes with the intensity of a vampire carrying out mind control and the hope that I’d just disappear. Believe me, if there was anyone else to talk to, I would have disappeared. Unfortunately his mind control worked and I became aware that he was coming home with us. He had been rude for a few drinks now so I told my housemate that he wasn’t a nice guy and I certainly didn’t want him in the house. If she was determined to be with him, they’d have to go elsewhere.

Funnily enough the two of them walked home behind me like a very confused couple trying to sort out the problems of the world. They walked forwards, they stopped, they walked backwards. I kept moving forwards and got home before them, still mad. When they had the nerve to turn up together, probably thinking I’d gone to bed, I stood at the front door, Gandalf style.

You are rude and arrogant, but this is my home. You shall not pass.

She left with him and they found somewhere else to go. She might have felt I was being unreasonable but she never said so. That was my intervention with her and I think she knew it.

My home, my rules.

This one time

The phone rang again. It was an unknown +227 number trying to call me through Whatsapp. I hadn’t answered so they were trying again. Two messages later, I blocked them!

I took your phone number off Instagram and I find your words very interesting.

According to google, the call was coming from West Africa. I don’t want to seem uncaring, but why would a guy reach out to me in Australia from West Africa via phone call?! What was his agenda? I am interesting, that much is true, but I’m sure there is other interesting people in Africa. If he was trying to engage with me because I’m single, there’s a lot of single people closer dude. This will not work out. I’ll never know. This one time that someone tried to contact me from West Africa, I blocked them!

This one time I went on a date in the park. We brought our dogs along and walked and chatted. It was great! No awkward eye contact as we just strolled on as our dogs ran around. They weren’t really the right size to play with each other but they were both females so everyone was getting along. At one point, his dog was playing with another Staffordshire Bull Terrier and he had to call it back. Close call, or so I thought. He text me the next day:

I’ve had to take Tara to the vet. She was bitten on the head at the park. The wound has been bleeding and infected.

I sent back empathetic pleasantries and asked about his dog again a few days later. I never heard from him again! I didn’t bite his dog…

Last weekend I was stood up!

We arranged to meet around 9pm and when I left my house I messaged my old friend that after travelling by public transport I’d get to the venue at 9:50pm. She said no problem…. yep, it was a girl friend. She knew I was travelling into the city by myself but when I arrived, she wasn’t at the bar we had planned to meet at and wasn’t responding to my messages. 30 mins later she contacted me with a reply to one of my first messages…. not answering ‘where are you’?

I text everyone else that would respond. It was a real low point as a single girl. To have gone to the effort of getting ready, head out by myself, 50 mins into the city and then standing alone at night. Luckily I had a number of friends that offered me moral support. So I had a beer by myself and listened to a busker before I decided to head home. It took my friend that I was meant to meet another hour to ask me where I was?! She was heading to a different bar now. I didn’t want to chase her around the city, I was done.

It just so happens that one of the people I reached out to that texted me back was a new guy friend. We are going to catch up this weekend…

Tell me about it, stud!

Tinder nights

Summer loving had me a blast
Summer loving it was over, oh so fast
I met a girl crazy for d!ck
Met a boy but he was a prick
Summer days drifting away to oh oh the Tinder nights

Tell me more, tell me more
Did he live very far?
Tell me more, tell me more
Was it cramped in his a car?

I lay by him, pretending to cramp
He panted by me, not even damp
I tried to give head but I nearly drowned
He showed off, was waving it around
Summer sun I wish something had begun but oh oh the Tinder nights

Tell me more, tell me more
Was it lust at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more
Did ya get a love bite?

Took her strolling, down to Woolworths
He said better get some condoms, don’t need no births

We made out, it was a bit of a mock
But we stayed out till he was hard as a rock
Summer fling don’t mean a thing but oh oh the summer nights.
Tell me more, tell me more
But you don’t gotta brag
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you hang on tight to your clutch bag?

He faked being friendly, holding my hand
She wanted to do it, down in the sand
He had a thing for feet, anything over eighteen
Well she had good feet, you know what I mean
Summer heat boy and girl meet but oh oh the Tinder nights.

Tell me more, tell me more
How much time did he spend?
Tell me more, tell me more
Could he just do me, without asking for a friend?

The weather turned colder that’s where it ends
So I told him “I’ve got enough friends”
Then we made our true love vow
“I just don’t really know whether I want a relationship right now”
Summer dreams ripped my good jeans but oh…

those Tiiiiinnder nnnnnniiiiiiiigghhhhhhhhhhttttttsssssss!

Dating urban legends

When you are single, everyone tells you about their friend or a friend of a friend who not only met someone on Tinder but fell in love and now they are married! I think they are the exception. The ‘rule’ is that most guys are just looking for a good time and sowing their wild oats.

They are the modern day urban legends. Stories start with ‘a girl I used to work with’ or ‘my sisters friend’…. they met someone online and are so in love.

I’ve been single for 6 years. Do you think I’m not trying?! I’m not fussy but I’m not going to try and hook up with anyone.

The other urban legends are the dating disaster stories!

Here’s an urban legend for you I was just told at work. It happened to a friend of a friend.

This girl arranged a second date with the guy she had started seeing. He said come over to my place and I’ll cook you dinner. She agreed.

After dinner she felt like she had to go to the toilet and simply couldn’t hold it in, she’d have to do a poo at his place. But it was bad. Really bad. She had so much poo everywhere that she needed to change her underwear, and clothes. She felt she would need to shower there. He was so understanding! He offered to take her clothes and put everything in a plastic bag. He offered her a t-shirt and shorts.

So, so far I’m thinking this girl is a bit dramatic. How bad did she have to go to the toilet? That messy, really?! Crazy, girl. Yep, this is gross. What a disaster.

It doesn’t end there.

As the girl came out of the bathroom, she caught him holding her underwear and messy clothes up to his face.

He had put a laxative in her food.

He had a faecal fetish.

So bad!!!!!!

One of my rules is don’t go over to random strangers houses. That’s just my values. I won’t think of sleeze bags, murderers or STDs anymore, I’ll be thinking of this story.

What a nightmare!

I had a dream last night that I was so desperate for a boyfriend that I went on a date with a drug dealer (not so bad yet). He couldn’t text me back properly or respond to any questions but his sister had contacted me and I met up with her so that she could tell me he was a good guy! I got ready for a date that he hadn’t confirmed, to go to a pub near his place. When I arrived, he didn’t remember the date and was on so many drugs he couldn’t stand up straight or talk properly. He was also keen to get back to his drug production and said he was banned from the local pub.

I tried to seduce him (you don’t have to stand up then) and pushed him up against a wall where I leaned in on him and tried to have a big tongue pash.

He said he’d be into it if he didn’t have to go help the guys with the drugs and had just taken something so he apologised for the taste in his mouth.

It wasn’t working and I started to feel disgusted with it all so I walked away with my head down and spitting the taste of foam out as I went.

I walked up a long drive or road with my cardigan in my hand (I’d even taken off some clothes) as I passed all the workers and then passed the customers that had taken the drugs and stayed to play shuttlecock….with birds!

Well dream interpreters, what do you say to that?

I am frustrated with online dating (again).

Please can my next dreams be better!! I’d love some dream hunks- Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Kwanten and the late Paul Walker. I need three dream catchers!

 

 

Get her running in the morning

The ‘groom’, Sam, has just met his ‘bride’, Elizabeth, for the first time on Married at First Sight.

He’s already told the cameras he just hopes she has a good smile and is a positive person. He also tells us that he doesn’t like being judged on his looks. He said that personality is more important than looks…

The next statement we hear him say is that she’s bigger than what he’s dated before:

She’s probably been self conscious of that in previous relationships. I’ll get her up running in the morning. But she’ll be right. We’ll get her going.

You. Arrogant. Arsehole.

This woman does not need to go running on a morning. Unless she wants to!!

We then hear Sam talking to his mates about how far to go on the wedding night.

I don’t want to shut her down. She’s very happy.

His mate says, in so many words, that intimacy might make them closer and relax more. He’s still unsure and says he’s just met her (true- most common sense thing he’s said all night) but then something else negative. Didn’t he want someone positive?

That’s a dire look on things, his mate says.

Sam, you are so good looking you may not be used to people telling you to take a good hard look at yourself.

Elizabeth thinks he’s a lovely gentlemen. We’ll be watching you Sam, I hope you are.

I hope she doesn’t want to go all the way.

The other couple we meet – Lauren and Matt are both super nice. He’s super stressed as he hasn’t kissed a girl for 7 years and the viewers already know the marketing team have called him the 29 year old virgin.

Surely this won’t come out Day one?! Of course it does. He reveals:

I’m actually still a virgin

Her response:

Shit!

He goes on to explain that he wanted to manage her expectations about the night (he must have been shitting himself). Luckily they have a great chat and say really sweet things to make the other feel good.

She makes up for her initial reaction:

I want to get to know you on a deeper level. Thank you for sharing and being honest.

Why is he a virgin? He didn’t want to be vulnerable.

Now you are just going for it. You are so brave.

Coming up in the next ep…. one of the grooms bolts!

Ah Sam, that’s not very gentlemanly. Maybe someone told you that you should be the one to go for a run!

Married, at first … sigh

Married at First Sight Australia 2019 aired this week. There’s ten couples the ‘experts’ have matched up and we saw six of them walk down the isle to someone they’ve never met and know nothing about!

I didn’t particularly want to watch couples relationships for five nights a week but once you watch a bit… the ad breaks are well timed and marketing is on point to intrigue us and imply disaster. You can’t help but watch more.

The first couple we meet is Jules and Cameron. He’s an expro Cricketer that dedicated his life to cricket and had his priorities wrong (enter fake spewing noises as I don’t try to control my feelings towards guys obsessed with sport and the cricketer I dated for two years who did nothing but cricket!)

It’s ok though as he’s not too short, still has his hair and has a nice smile. He’s saying all the right things and wants kids. He danced at the wedding when the music didn’t play. He hasn’t stopped smiling. Cue the happy ending. Urgh, maybe I’ll have to change my mind about cricketers.

We then meet Nic and Cyrell. She has a overly protective and aggressive brother. He is cool, calm and collected and manages to stand his ground. We find out he’s survived testicular cancer and has to tell his ‘wife’ on national tv that he can’t ejaculate (it goes into his stomach!) but he can still have kids through IVF- phew!

Mick (they mustn’t be filming Farmer Wants a Wife anymore) lives with sheep so is stunned to marry blond bombshell (is there more to her) Jessika. She walks off on him when he asks if she’s just there for Instagram rather than a real relationship. If she can’t put down her phone and have a proper conversation, she’s not going to move to a farm unless it’s glamorous mud wrestling that’s photographed as she modelsfor a hobby‘ (cough, instagram).

Ning is a sweety at heart with three kids but she’s built a wall around her heart and defends her castle with bad jokes and awkwardness. Will Mark persevere trying to get to know her? Well he has nothing else on the go at the moment so why not.

Mike and Heidi- both hot, fun loving, adventure seeking, nomads. He’s a sparky that’s ignited women’s loins around the world (so he says) and she’s…. I don’t know, I’m so distracted by her hair! And her Barbie body.

Heidi tried to have a deep and meaningful about her life and got shut down because he was impatient and too hot. Maybe he was too distracted by her hair too. He seems like a fuck boy.

Dino is a meditation coach. Well I think he wants to be hired as a meditation coach. He certainly doesn’t say a single sentence without a spiritual reference, mantra or meditation advice. I think his lips may have Botox. I don’t want to watch him but I can’t look away. They’ve matched him with his partner, Melissa, for the same reason I fear. Both train wrecks in their personal lives. Another confession to millions- she hasn’t had sex for 8 years and he called off an engagement as she didn’t like the ring!

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So…. I certainly forget my troubles whilst watching theirs!

What would I want to confess to my husband on our wedding night and to all the viewers? I’m 6 years single now! Can I blame being diagnosed with diabetes and then adjustment disorder (depression and anxiety) for a couple of years of being single? Yeah, why not. The rest? Well, that’s just life. Could I go on the show? No, I’m over size 10!

Talking married says that still to come: the women are ‘raw’ and ‘outspoken’ and the experts will be ethically challenged…. intrigue, intrigue.

Can’t wait to see the other four couples!

Mr Tix all boxes except mine

I was raised with optimistic and caring parents and find I now run around with a generous dollop of positivity (life still sucks don’t get me wrong). When I tried to ‘rescue’ my ex boyfriends with my positivity in the past, it failed miserably! I wouldn’t do that again. Unfortunately one of them was an addict and looking back now, it was an incredibly unhealthy and toxic relationship.

Now what I fail at is the casual, loosey goosey approach when I find a potential partner rather than a project. But I’ve tried. Man was I a loose goose with Mr Ticks All Boxes (let’s call him Tix for short).

This time last year, I dated Mr Tix for 6 weeks and then he strung me along for another 4 weeks ‘on hold’ before he finally told me he’d met someone else.

For 10 weeks I tried to be positive. I tried to be easy going because he ticked all of my boxes.

tick symbolSocial and friendly (had a great smile and was quite positive)

tick symbol Close to his family and a good group of friends. We actually had some friends in common!

tick symbolFit-  playing sport rather than being obsessed with the gym

tick symbolJob satisfaction

tick symbolVery attractive with a great head of hair and nice, neat beard

tick symbol Easy to get along with- we laughed a lot and talked about all kinds

His story was that he had just got out of a long term relationship of 10 years with his first love. They also owned a house together but had been broken up for approx 4 months.

I was seeing him at least once a week and we grew close quite quickly. I went to his house after 2 weeks but he asked me to park down the road as his ex was quite difficult and he didn’t want to cause waves whilst they still owned the house together. Of course. I was casual, positive, easy-going.

After about 4 weeks, he cancelled on our weekend plans as ‘the shit had hit the fan’. His ex found out he was seeing someone and lost her mind. She supposedly declared her love for him and asked him to take her back. When he said no, she used the house against him. She demanded more money in the buy-out settlement, threatened he would never see their dogs again and took all the remaining furniture. Even their bed! He said he needed time to process this and sort things out. Instead of our plans, he had a few friends (that I didn’t know) over to his place to help him drown his sorrows in beer.

That week he said he couldn’t see me anymore as it was all too much at the moment. I was so understanding (casual, positive, easy going).

Two days later, he said he couldn’t stop thinking about me and we had to give this a chance. We were on again.

We kept seeing each other for another two weeks but there was quite a few nights he had to try and sort things through with his ex. They allegedly had to meet to try to negotiate the sale of the house and split assets. That’s cool.

At the 6 weeks mark, he was very stressed. He was trying to fix up things around the house to add value, clean it all, and then meet a range of real estate agents (that his ex also had to meet and approve) and then arrange for the house to be ‘dressed’ for inspections as she had taken all the furniture. It came to a head. He couldn’t see me anymore until this was sorted. We agreed to keep in touch and when the timing was right, if it was right for both of us, we could resume our romance.

We kept in touch and he text me and called me and said how amazing we were together but wouldn’t meet up.

At 10 weeks, he finally arranged a date with me!!!!!!! But I got strange texts all day. One of the last ones was worrying about wasting my time. He finally admitted, he was meeting up with me to give me the courtesy to tell me he had met someone else. I told him don’t bother and don’t contact me again.

I recently read Drew Barrymore’s book “Wildflower’ and there is chapter called ‘Door One’. She had just started seeing her now husband, Will and was over analysing everything.

Would sharing a life with someone mean I was no longer my own person but a ‘we’?….

How could I stay one of two, rather than becoming half of one…..

Just like anyone who is about to settle down, I started to examine everything.

I had already made my mind up about Mr Tix but he hadn’t and I just wanted to be in the running. Upon reflection, I think he had two girls ‘on the go’ and was weighing us up. The drinks with ‘friends’ to drown his sorrows included the friend he hooked up with. I worked in recruitment for 11 years and you always advise candidates of the recruitment and selection process, let them know of their status and provide them with feedback. Dating is the same process: several candidates, a couple are shortlisted and only one (should be) successful. But you never know the status of your application!! Its a blind process. 

Drew Barrymore’s friend, Liza, gave her this advise:

Everyone wants to overthink and analyse and take all the fun out of it and freak out, but the truth is you pick door number one. You choose the great person in front of you and you don’t play the game of Let’s Make a Deal and see what’s behind door number two because we are so conditioned to seeing what else is out there.

Of course Mr Tix was behind door number one. I was just waiting for him to choose me. Perhaps I was behind door number two and he wanted to give the other girl a chance first. I suspect he kept us both in the dark til he decided. My theory is that girls give door number one a chance and guys want multiple doors to open and like to play Let’s Make a Deal!

What’s your thoughts?