I am a feminine feminist

Some people still think of Feminism like it’s a dirty word! It’s not a lesbian, who no longer washes or shaves and hates men. What’s fun though…. is that it can be.

You can also be a feminine feminist!

I can never own enough dresses. Dresses work no matter what season. Throw on some leggings and boots during winter and get your legs out in summer. My colleague loves pink! Pink errrryythang! So what? It’s just a colour.

A Feminist just wants equality for all. They have a belief that you can be whatever and whomever you want to be. Blokes can be feminist. Don’t be scared and confused. It’s time to educate yourself!

feminist

dictionary.com

Feminine definition

It seems that we are in the fourth wave of feminism. How sad, that this is the fourth time we are trying to make a difference and get the world to stand up and listen so that changes are made. How many waves will it take?

The first wave of feminism came about from the suffragettes who worked hard to get women the right to vote. This continued throughout war times when the traditional role of women started to change and women found themselves working outside the home for the first time.

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J. Howard Miller’s We Can Do It poster from 1943.

The second wave of feminism was in the 70’s with Germaine Greer at the forefront. Women were still fighting to reduce inequalities, and change the roles of women in the family, the workplace, and to gain reproductive rights. “Feminists: What were they thinking?” Netflix Film interviews the women that posed for a book of photos “Emergence” by Cynthia McAdams during the height of this movement.

Be a good girl…. well that implies that we weren’t good girls. I’ve only known that ‘no’ can be a complete sentence in the last 10 years. (Jane Fonda)

In order to change it, we had to become disobedient (Judy Chicago)

Our bodies, our lives, our right to decide.

We want equality, we want it now (protesters chants)

The women’s naked body was no longer reserved for pornography. The body was a source of pride and of health. The body was to be celebrated and enjoyed.

The third wave of feminism came about in the 90’s- individuality and diversity was the goal. (As an 80’s born child, I don’t recall anything about this movement but I certainly had the privilege of looking and sounding just like one of the guys. There were less gendered experiences).

The fourth wave of feminism is now! This movement is to eliminate sexual harassment, assault, and misogyny. Think of the #metoo campaign where women are standing up and speaking out. We need to end violence against women. White Ribbon Australia states statistics like:

One woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner.
1 in 5 women have experienced sexual violence since the age of 15.

It’s not widely spoken about outside of teaching circles but the Australian Government undertook a Royal Commission into Family Violence and subsequently developed a program to be taught in schools ‘Respectful Relationships’. “Evidence shows that gender-based violence can be prevented by working with the whole population, and in this case, all schools, to address the attitudes, beliefs and knowledge that supports the prevention of violence.” (Department of Education)

Respectful relationships

227 recommendations were made! If we still need to make that many changes, what are you going to do differently?

Even if you are not female, everyone has a Mum, or Grandma, or sister, niece, cousin, aunt, girlfriend, wife and/or female friend. I want you to consider…. how could you NOT be a feminist?!

 

 

The princess saves herself

I’ve been following Mamamiaaus on Instagram and reading women’s posts about accepting yourself and baring it all in a bikini for summer no matter how you look. One post really resonated with me about ‘being brave’.

She has a really good point. Now I find myself criticising any reference of ‘brave’.

There’s a hilarious parody of The Greatest Showman ‘This is me’ by Mother’s. The lyrics include:

The laundry is piled all around

I’ll be brave

I’ll keep calm

And I’ll sing the clean up song

Laundry is not brave, to me. However, I think that brave is really personal -what’s brave to one person might not be brave to another. I’m not scared of spiders but to someone terrified of them, dealing with a spider probably required them to be brave!

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I was given a book for Christmas: The Princess Saves Herself in this One by Amanda Lovelace. It’s a collection of poems spanning her life that includes loneliness, abuse, disorders, trauma, diseases and love! It has a trigger warning at the start and a dedication “thank you for inspiring me to be the girl who survived.” This princess was brave. Not only did she survive, she wrote a book:

Amanda Lovelace

Our personal definition of brave needs to evolve and develop over time. It’s only brave to deal with a spider for so long, maybe the first few times. I believe that as resilience and strength develops you can face more and more obstacles and become ‘braver.’

As per the description above from Mamamiaaus, I’m brave dealing with a incurable, complex disease (battling a chronic illness- type 1 diabetes). When people say they are terrified of needles, I feel brave. When I can’t get my blood sugars under control and I’m so sick of it all, I feel I’m strong, because I have to be. If I don’t do it, I die. Is that brave?

Did any of you watch Andrew Denton’s interview with Amanda Lindhout? She was a Canadian journalist in Somalia in 2008 and endured physical atrocities after being kidnapped and regularly abused. She was held in captivity for 15 months! She came out of it alive and now lives by the mantra “I choose peace. I choose freedom. I choose forgiveness.” The only way she made it through was with resilience and optimism. She was bloody brave. 

Fighting for a better life inspires bravery. These warrior women save others.

The princess can save herself but if you can be inspired by others I think you will find that your bravery will go off the chart!

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Are these women being brave wearing a bikini? Yes, they are being brave for themselves. I’m proud of them for challenging the skinny social norms and being happy with who they are. They might inspire others to be brave to wear a bikini. You have to save yourself before you can save others. What’s more inspiring for me at the moment is the hardships that others have had to endure. Take Malala Yousafzai’s new book- We Are Displaced: My Journey and Stories from Refugee Girls Around the World. Imagine what these women have had to endure! Thinking about their lives, I’m not brave injecting insulin each day. That’s easy in comparison, I’ve got this. Now, what else can I face…. onwards!

How to lose a guy in 7 days

This is my follow up to How to lose a girl in 7 days. But I’m certainly not an expert in guys. They don’t seem to communicate very well….. so WHO KNOWS?! Please help us out guys. There’s probably twenty things a girl could critique and thinks she could have done better but you’ve left no clues for us to actually figure it out. It’s a riddle with no answers.

If you’ve seen the TV series Imposters, each time someone is scammed they leave a video that says things like:

“You must be very confused.”

“You will never see me again”.

“You will ask yourself a lot of questions.”

“You will replay every moment we had together. You will begin to doubt everything you know…. you will begin to doubt yourself. It’s very normal.”

“Don’t try to find me, you will never find me. Don’t put yourself through that. Leave it be… move on with your life”

“You are a good person or this wouldn’t have happened to you. You will find love again. You will find happiness.”

If only guys could say things like that to us, it would be so much better than nothing. Of course there is no such video message in real life. So what goes wrong?

The Dating Struggle identifies five types of single women.

  1. Bag lady (negative comments towards men)
  2. Vixen
  3. The king of her castle (career driven)
  4. Desperate wanna be housewife
  5. Miss Picky

It basically sums us all up except that I can’t identify with just one of them, I think I have bits of them all.

From a man’s perspective (read or watch with an open mind!) 10 types of women you should never date:

  1. The dumb girl
  2. The princess
  3. The financial disaster (this applies to men too)
  4. Sloppy drunk chick
  5. Super jealous girl
  6. A stripper
  7. The women who only has gay men as friends
  8. The my-daddy-buys-me-everything chick
  9. The Tiege Hanly hair (doesn’t want the man to have better hair than her)
  10. The bitch

When you are going through the getting-to-know-you process online, I wouldn’t mention:

  • Significant illness or injury until they have gotten to know you
  • Money issues
  • “Drama”
  • Too much dog talk
  • Taking more than 6 hours to respond (Believe it or not- Bumble statistics that they lose interest)
  • More than one girl is in your photo
  • False advertising- fake hair, fake tan, fake (chicken fillet inserts) boobs

We definitely have personality types online. I would say these are the following types of women (and again I’m parts of them all):

  1. Humorous
  2. Sarcastic smart ass
  3. Nice and sweet
  4. Sexy banter
  5. Independent (difficult to catch as they know they are strong by themselves)
  6. Dependent (really wants to be in a relationship and values husband and kids over the best match- nothing wrong with this)

I write this in case you are doing something obvious and have never thought about it before and wonder what goes wrong. Most of the time, it’s not us, it’s them! When they can’t communicate openly, we will never know, so don’t second guess yourself. I try not to lose myself in the riddle that’s wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma (Winston Churchill quote) and downward spiral. Stay strong that you are amazing. Someone will appreciate you. 

It’s survival of the fittest (mentally) to get through the online profiles, survive the chats, meet for multiple dates and find a good match. Sometimes it is a good match but they are also dating multiple women and are spoilt for choice.

I’m thinking you have no interest in getting to know a gal 🤷🏻‍♀️

If he’s not treating you well or it doesn’t feel right- you need to lose him! I still believe that when the right one comes along it won’t be this hard, hopefully. As the ‘Imposters’ say- Always forward, never backwards. 

I hope you catch some good fish this weekend!

How to catch a fish

“Success is when preparation meets opportunity” (Nick Cummins, The Bachelor Australia)

The times they are a changing. Gone are the days you were guaranteed to meet someone out on the dance floor and if over 30, there’s no more single friends to introduce! So we resort to online dating and trying to get matches. Most sites are random. You throw in your fishing hook in a designated pool/area and decide whether each one you (swipe right) try to pull up or (left) let off the hook. Then you try to strike up a conversation. Hopefully make a date. See if you get along for a second date. But that fishing line can get snagged and snap at many stages.

One of Matthew Hussey’s strategies is to ask a man (in real life) to take a photo of you to break the ice and make contact. But what if you can’t see a man you want to approach? I figure that is probably still better than seeing someone you like but not knowing how to approach them. I have probably let many opportunities pass me by over the years! I’m working on being prepared.

So what are some of the options for online dating in Melbourne?

  • Bumble
  • Tinder
  • POF (Plenty of Fish)
  • Ok Cupid
  • RSVP
  • eHarmony

I’m using Bumble at the moment. The success rate seems to be about 1 in 5 matches with 50% response rate.

For example, if 100 men liked me, I would then find 20 are a mutual match. If I contacted all of them, I would get a reply from 10. From that, at the moment, I’d be lucky to get 1 date.

What are the best days to fish?

I’ve had the most responses on Wednesdays and Thursdays as well as Sundays. There seems to have been a big increase of the amount of guys online since the Bachelor Australia started 2 weeks ago! (Screening Wednesdays and Thursdays but it could be a coincidence).

When you are talking online, you need to have some talking points in mind. The most responses I have received have been after saying Hi and asking them a question about something in their profile or pictures.

I got 0 replies with these lines

Hey there 😁

2 truths & a lie…. ready, set, go!

These got 1-2 responses

There’s a lot of pressure making the first move, be nice to me 🤣

What’s one destination you haven’t been to yet or that you must go to before you die?

Almost Friday, can you describe your weekend ahead in 3 emojis?

Friday nights I get less matches but it seems easier to start a conversation ….they just don’t really go anywhere. I think Friday & Saturday chats are for quick hook ups. I got 3 replies with just ‘Happy Friday 👌’

I’d really rather talk to single people in person. I heard somewhere that if you read a magazine backwards in public, it’s meant to mean you are available! Some other countries have small gestures to show whether they are available. In Samoa, if you have a flower over the left ear you are taken, right side you are available. In Ireland, if you wear a Claddagh ring on your left hand and you turn the ring pointing away from you, this indicates you are looking for love. India has different coloured bindis where single or widowed women wear black or white bindis, with red signalling married.

Apart from traffic light parties at University, what could we start in Australia?

If you have one of these customs in another country, do they work as signals?

What online chats have worked for you?

Types of fish

OK, so we all know that if we kept fishing day in and day out we would eventually hook a fish. You might have also seen that there are still plenty of fish in the dating pool. HOWEVER, you might not catch the one that you like…

Puffer fish– they blow up all the time! Quite negative- road rages, hates slow drivers, also many TV shows and songs. They like to make out that others are really stupid.

Gold fish– they forget everything you’ve told them! They also don’t think to ask you many questions. They message you with one liners such as ‘good morning’ or ‘hey’.

Flake– you just can’t tie them down to commit. They are busy or late or like to live spontaneously (always taking the best offer), perhaps prioritising mates over dates.

Mudskipper– talking to so many girls at once. You may not hear from for a week but they will skip back to you… eventually, probably late on a Saturday night.

Common cod- the blokey type, loves footy all weekend. Watches it, plays it, replays it, has to check the footy fixture before making plans. Drinks, smokes and swears, usually has an Australia flag tattoo. Will pick sports bars over restaurants.

Blob fish– loves movies, TV, collectibles, Xbox and PlayStation games, but doesn’t like to go out much.

Flathead grey mullet- doesn’t really understand what you’re talking about. Texts ‘huh?’ Or ‘what you mean?’ Needs things explaining. May be a tradie (trying not to stereotype) or not word smart. You need to meet these ones in person!

Mahi Mahi – international men that have only lived in Australia for a few years. English is their second or third language so some messages are a bit strange. They don’t have a lot of friends so message a lot. Some think us Aussie women are too feminist these days (independent).

Guppy- flashes their money or brags about their job, bonuses or overtime rates. Looks neater than you, very well dressed. Puts neatness or hygiene in their profile as a priority.

Catfish– never meets up so could be anyone! They may have a partner and just be online for fun or out of boredom but has no intention to act on anything.

Clownfish– loves Dad jokes or anything to have a good laugh. May enjoy humorous British TV shows or Seinfeld. Can recite one liners from most comedies. Good for banter but doesn’t usually develop further.

You might accidentally hook –

Octopus– they will tell you want they want to do to you before you’ve even asked or responded to the first sexual detail. Can be very handsy and may try it on in the middle of the day.

Squid– can’t look you in the eye, very nervous, trying not to ink themselves.

Penguin– not over their ex I’m afraid. They often can’t perform, holding on to baggage, still trying to talk things through or separate belongings with their ex, too attached to the past. May also still be attached to parents or living at home, can’t look after themselves.

I’m looking, looking, looking and trying to hook:

Endlers Livebearer these fish are adaptable, placid but vibrant, colourful, and popular in aquariums as good in a community.

Salmon– they’ll do the chasing as they know what they want. Active and adventurous- why else would they swim upstream? Often motivated and career driven or community minded to make a difference. Everyone loves a good salmon.

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To any men that are reading this- what type of fish would you be if you were a fish?

Ladies, what other fish have you hooked?

Dating excuses- how quickly the tide turns

seawaves on sands

Photo by Pok Rie on Pexels.com

The tide of the ocean can seem to turn quickly at times. You may be walking along on a wide stretch of sturdy sand, feeling like you are walking straight ahead with a clear direction and the knowledge that one foot will follow the other at a repetitive and comfortable pace. Suddenly a big wave comes up to change the shoreline and chases you sideways while you desperately try to keep your shoes dry. You end up sidestepping or hop along with one wet shoe, having to scurry up the beach a bit more and jump over the seaweed or rotting jellyfish lying abandoned from an earlier tide. The wave may be so big it stops you from continuing and forces you to take a new path, moving off the beach altogether. Continue reading