Mansplaining 2020

“I come from a land down under,

Where women glow

and men plunder!”

This song, Down Under, was written in 1980 about life in Australia (it can’t have sounded that good then either but we like to laugh at ourselves) but it now applies to dating in 2020.

COVID-19 has added another layer of complication to modern dating. I have to admit that when I heard that dating sites were encouraging video dates my mind screamed “hell, no!”. It’s hard enough trying to get to know men in person. It’s also already difficult enough trying to put your best foot forward and get dates to see past superficial looks and have them want to get to know you. The saying is that the camera adds 10 pounds! No way Jose.

woman using smartphone in bed

Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

If only it was easy.

cheerful man using laptop for video call

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Mansplained demystified some of the common things said online. Here’s part two.

Heeeyyyyyyyyy

I cant be bothered putting any effort in. Until I know you’ll put out! Just reaching out to many and dangling my doodle to see who replies. 

*Same goes for wyd? hyd? Up to?

I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now”

 I have an F buddy, a ‘girlfriend material’, and a ‘back up plan’ so my vacancy depends on which one goes to shit first/they are busy tonight.

Also: I have no intention of anything with you right now but clubs are closed, can’t go to the footy and housemate is doing online trivia, I’m bored as shit!

* I recommend this guy if you are also bored as shit and not looking for anything. He’ll ghost you after a boink as he said he didn’t know what he was looking for.

Shall we get off this app?”

Translation: Let’s go on to another app that makes it easier to send dirty photos/easier to stalk you on Facebook/easier to hide from my girlfriend/F buddy that I’m still on Tinder.

*This does make it easier to send endless shit chat or photos rather than Tinder popping up on your phone during tea with Mum.

photo of disc jockey performing
Photo by Mwabonje on Pexels.com

Used to DJ. Once. Ten years ago. Never let the dream go.

photo of man kissing his dog

Photo by Charles Roth on Pexels.com

Dog not mine. Have an 8 year old kid though that I don’t see.

What are you looking for?”

Will you come to my house on the first date/be cautious about Covid restrictions or are you ready to walk on the wild side and go along with anything I suggest?

Do you live with anyone?”

Who will I have to make awkward small talk with/can I shit at your place/have I banged your housemate/will I catch Corona? Will you drive to my place instead?

Not into games or drama”

Just wants to keep it simple? Ha, no. Doesn’t like it when girls talk back/question/think for themselves/call them out on their bullshit. Just wants to get in and get out. Corona free. There’s many memes to explain how to ‘plunder’ in COVID times and reduce the drama of making lurve face to face. 

Who doesn’t want to play games!

food is bae wooden decor

Photo by Shamia Casiano on Pexels.com

Add in technology burn out, there’s no way I’m sitting on the apps right now! My man is also burnt out and waiting to meet me in person…

man wearing black headset

Photo by Ola Dapo on Pexels.com

Good luck to the video daters right now.

Speed dating

Online dating is starting to wear me down so I challenged myself to consider 200 guys in 7 days. My version of speed dating. One last energetic foray to see if I can burst through some of the barriers and get any results.

With a 25 km radius and age range of 35-42 years on Bumble, there seemed to be plenty of guys to look through. These guys had already looked at my profile and swiped right (yes) so if I liked their profile it was a guaranteed mutual match.

However, I was only into about 1 in 4 and swiped right for 54 of them.

Out of the 201 I said ‘no’ to, I had seen 23 of their profiles or chatted to them before! Two of them were in open relationships and stated that they were poly so there was no misunderstandings. As I continued on Sunday afternoon, I noticed that the distance of the matches grew significantly. One guy was 1 hour and 42 mins drive away in a place I’d never heard of! Bumble must expand the location so that you have always got matches. It’s kind but inconvenient.

That should have left me a lot of guys to talk to and plenty of dating options. Bumble requires the female to make the first contact and then the guys have 24 hours to respond or the match expires. Well, that meant that many of the matches disappeared. By Sunday night, I’m left with 13 that I have been talking to, and another 14 pending reply.

I’m talking with a puppy dog that I asked on a play date today, but he was busy.

I’m also talking with a (very well versed) 35 year old guy that I’ve planned to meet next Friday night for a drink in the city. This one excites me!

I turned down the guy who asked me over to his house on Thursday night to ‘play games’. Sometimes they turn me off straight away if I think that’s their M.O and don’t really care who I am. But this time, I tried to give him a chance. I get that the sexes communicate differently, maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. You really need to stay true to your values though. I stand strong that I’m not going to go to a strangers house. If they want to meet me, then date me.

I feel confident that I will have two dates out of these matches. Let’s see what happens next…

Yes No
Monday 10 23
Tuesday
Wednesday 7 41
Thursday 8 33
Friday 7 18
Saturday
Sunday 24 86
TOTAL 54 201