A day in the life of a dog Mum

At school, I refer to my dog as my ‘fur baby’, to which my smart ass students ask “Did you give birth to her?” I reply as a smart ass… “Yes”!

This is for all the dog Mums and pawents to share the love and maybe get us a tiny bit of street cred as to why we refer to our dogs as babies! Those of you with human babies will have started off buying nappies or thinking about how to deal with poo disasters before they are toilet trained…. as do we (puppy toilet training pads or ‘floor nappies’). As a baby, they have to learn how to walk… so do puppies. I remember thinking that a dog just walks from day one but at twelve weeks old, after all their shots, they are still finding their feet, how far they can go and working out how to walk on a lead. So we carry them when they are tired and we coax them along just like a baby. We buy them toys and take a million photos as they grow. The similarities continue…

Is it a girl or a boy?

It’s traditionally pink for girls and blue for boys to identify your baby. Super old fashioned and a stereotype that needs to be thrown out, it stops the idiots on the street from asking mundane questions and misidentifying your baby. The confusion about my dogs sex is just as annoying. I ended up covering her in pink- pink collar, pink ID tag and a pink lead. ‘She’s a girl’ I’d cry out in my head when strangers approached us.

“Hello little fella”

“What a good boy”

“He’s a cutie”

I’d just referred to “she” chatting to a dude online. Can’t you read?!

Don’t eat that!

Whilst parents are worried about age appropriate soft toys and eating off the floor, I worry about dead birds, chicken bones, chop bones and a drunks left over Maccas mashed into the pavement.

She is so cute, people used to feed her dog treats through the fence. At the drive-in bottle shop, they offer dog treats through the window. They greet her at the vets with a little treat. Noooooo- she is allergic to EVERYTHING!

Is it a number 1? Number 2? Number 3….. ewwwwww

My friends that have had a baby comment on the poo disasters. Poop everywhere. The number 3 poo explosions are particularly hard to deal with and clean up. One poor little guy had gastro which was a complete nightmare!

“Car seat covered, bedding covered, child covered! Poo in the bed, poo on the floor, poo squirted in the portacot”

My doggo likes to roll in poo! If she runs off into the bush, she’s found wombat or kangaroo poo (just guessing) and down-dog pose to rub her neck and face in it. Sometimes rolls her whole body over it. Often just washed, she must be too clean. One day she rolled in a big dogs big sloppy poo and it was all over her face and neck and collar. She then tried to wipe off some on the grass, rubbing more of it into her face and eyes and choking.

Then there’s her own poo issues- I’ve wiped off messy poo, cut off dry poo, picked up a hell of a lot of poo everyday, broken bags with poo on my hands and running out of bags with improvising what the hell to do with the poo!

We struggle at bath time. Like your child cries or throws a tantrum, my baby hates the idea of a bath. Sometimes I get lucky and she can wash off in the ocean. Oh wait, this beach was covered in oil spills from the boats…. sigh.

Doctor, doctor!

A Mum proclaimed “Freaking continuous cold. Sodding day care.”

My house has been fleamageddon! After dog sitting in January, I have been fighting a flea pandemic that I continually seem to be losing.

She’s allergic as I mentioned….. allergic to meat and protein, grass, dairy, and gluten. (What’s left for her to enjoy? Carrots). She has skin infections, ear infections, bladder infections almost non stop. The Vet bills are non stop. So are the calls to Mum for advise… just like a baby.

Sleepless nights

There’s licking, scratching, crying, toilet needs, teething, wanting to sleep with Mum, nightmares, and sickness which means I haven’t slept through the night for almost seven years.

So… I call her my baby!

I’m not that naive and know that they are different. How many of you are dunking your babies in the ocean to get clean?!

Happy Easter!!

Single life

In its absolute most simplest form there’s three types of lifestyles- those with kids, couples, singles. Of course it’s natural to compare and contrast what life must be like. I love the comedy, parodies and challenges that come out!

Here’s some of the best:

With kids-

People with no kids don’t know

Comedian Michael McIntyre shows how impossible it is for him and his wife to leave the house with two kids! Highly worth a watch as he replicates trying to get his boy to school on time and planning on going to a new restaurant… say, never.

I agree, I certainly have no problems leaving the house:

Baby mugging- I was literally begging my friends to take photos of their babies ‘in a mug’. Check out http://www.babymugging.org

black and brown short haired puppy in cup

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Cheese challenge– taking a cheese slice and throwing it into your kids face to see if it sticks and they laugh.

No kids and single- 

Dog moms rap: it’s an oldie but a goodie.

Casually strolling with a turd in my hand…..

This song’s for all the ladies who provide for their pup.

‘Cause they say you ain’t my baby, but I know that ain’t true!

Yo I don’t need a man to come home to, cos my bed is a literal bone zone. Fall asleep to the sound of you licking your parts…. (T-Spoon & ZZ Tophalf)

Dog Cheese Challenge- don’t have a baby, just need cheese and a pet!

There’s just not enough around for the singles.

We make too much food and have no one else to eat it so it gets thrown out, or like me, have a freezer full of leftovers I don’t want. On the flip side, why cook for one, just eat too much takeaway!

There’s no one to help with maintenance jobs so I have one light out that I can’t reach. I google everything or call Mum and Dad for a second opinion.

Hi Mum, I’m just wondering…. can you give me a second opinion on… (I really don’t have a clue but I’m 38 and should stop calling my parents)

Google:

  • What is a cubic metre?
  • Where is Niger?
  • How many kids does Constance Hall have?
  • Can dogs overdose on flea medication?
  • What did Luke Perry die from? 😩

Working in HR, I’d get personal leave requests when employees had to be a carer. Fair Work Australia states eligibility for carers leave:

A member of the employee’s immediate family means a spouse, de facto partner, child, parent, grandparent, grandchild or sibling of an employee; or a child, parent, grandparent, grandchild or sibling of the employee’s spouse or de facto partner.

My family includes my parents, sister, dog and best friends. Is the immediate family definition old fashioned now?

We take melatonin to fall asleep by ourselves, coffee to wake us up in the morning. We tell our dogs about our day, and we ask them about theirs!

Don’t forget the single people.