Rate my beaches

I decided to take a road trip down the Mornington Peninsula in Melbourne for the day. Amongst the tea trees are some of the most beautiful beaches in Victoria.

The first stop in Rosebud was so relaxing, not another person walking along the beach, sharing it with the swans and the boat birds. Whilst the town is filled with campers and fishing folk from the foreshore camping and casual pubs, they certainly weren’t on the beach.

My second stop in Sorrento was for lunch and as you walk towards the cafes you actually have to leave the beach views behind. Less campers here, more holiday makers staying in their beach houses and where the rich or famous come to play. Day trippers come over on the car ferry from Queenscliff. At the cafe with me, is Martha and Michael from Married at First Sight fame. A nasty piece of work on the show, she politely let two young girls have their photos taken with them.

If my life was like these beaches, I’d be calm and peaceful, beautiful and rich! My local beaches smell like salt and seaweed with all kinds of plastic and rubbish washed up. Then I found one that was roaring in Portsea….

Imperfect rock formations, worn away over the years by the wind and the waves. Like most of us, trying to stand their ground but everyday faced with being stood on and washed over with the surf pounding away.

Like a single girl, you had to make an effort to get close to it (all the many steep stairs) and it wasn’t just going to let anyone near. If you make the effort, it’s worth it!

On the way back, I couldn’t resist stopping at Shelley Beach and it didn’t disappoint. I was collecting old sea shells by the waves when a dog approached me to play ball. Accidentally ending up in the water I stepped towards it just as the tide was coming in, fast. My skirt was saturated as I ran back away from the water, ball in hand, laughing.

As I continued walking along with the dog, it kept running further and further away with the ball. I soon realised it was used to playing by itself.

It knew that if it left the ball by the water, the tide would push it back to it! It was playing ball all by itself.

You don’t need a partner to enjoy adventures. I had a great day out by myself with my love of the beach! I hope you do something enjoyable for yourself this weekend.

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I am a feminine feminist

Some people still think of Feminism like it’s a dirty word! It’s not a lesbian, who no longer washes or shaves and hates men. What’s fun though…. is that it can be.

You can also be a feminine feminist!

I can never own enough dresses. Dresses work no matter what season. Throw on some leggings and boots during winter and get your legs out in summer. My colleague loves pink! Pink errrryythang! So what? It’s just a colour.

A Feminist just wants equality for all. They have a belief that you can be whatever and whomever you want to be. Blokes can be feminist. Don’t be scared and confused. It’s time to educate yourself!

dictionary.com

It seems that we are in the fourth wave of feminism. How sad, that this is the fourth time we are trying to make a difference and get the world to stand up and listen so that changes are made. How many waves will it take?

The first wave of feminism came about from the suffragettes who worked hard to get women the right to vote. This continued throughout war times when the traditional role of women started to change and women found themselves working outside the home for the first time.

J. Howard Miller’s We Can Do It poster from 1943.

The second wave of feminism was in the 70’s with Germaine Greer at the forefront. Women were still fighting to reduce inequalities, and change the roles of women in the family, the workplace, and to gain reproductive rights. “Feminists: What were they thinking?” Netflix Film interviews the women that posed for a book of photos “Emergence” by Cynthia McAdams during the height of this movement.

Be a good girl…. well that implies that we weren’t good girls. I’ve only known that ‘no’ can be a complete sentence in the last 10 years. (Jane Fonda)

In order to change it, we had to become disobedient (Judy Chicago)

Our bodies, our lives, our right to decide.

We want equality, we want it now (protesters chants)

The women’s naked body was no longer reserved for pornography. The body was a source of pride and of health. The body was to be celebrated and enjoyed.

The third wave of feminism came about in the 90’s- individuality and diversity was the goal. (As an 80’s born child, I don’t recall anything about this movement but I certainly had the privilege of looking and sounding just like one of the guys. There were less gendered experiences).

The fourth wave of feminism is now! This movement is to eliminate sexual harassment, assault, and misogyny. Think of the #metoo campaign where women are standing up and speaking out. We need to end violence against women. White Ribbon Australia states statistics like:

One woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner.

1 in 5 women have experienced sexual violence since the age of 15.

It’s not widely spoken about outside of teaching circles but the Australian Government undertook a Royal Commission into Family Violence and subsequently developed a program to be taught in schools ‘Respectful Relationships’. “Evidence shows that gender-based violence can be prevented by working with the whole population, and in this case, all schools, to address the attitudes, beliefs and knowledge that supports the prevention of violence.” (Department of Education)

227 recommendations were made! If we still need to make that many changes, what are you going to do differently?

Even if you are not female, everyone has a Mum, or Grandma, or sister, niece, cousin, aunt, girlfriend, wife and/or female friend. I want you to consider…. how could you NOT be a feminist?!

 

 

Single life

In its absolute most simplest form there’s three types of lifestyles- those with kids, couples, singles. Of course it’s natural to compare and contrast what life must be like. I love the comedy, parodies and challenges that come out!

Here’s some of the best:

With kids-

People with no kids don’t know

Comedian Michael McIntyre shows how impossible it is for him and his wife to leave the house with two kids! Highly worth a watch as he replicates trying to get his boy to school on time and planning on going to a new restaurant… say, never.

I agree, I certainly have no problems leaving the house:

Baby mugging- I was literally begging my friends to take photos of their babies ‘in a mug’. Check out http://www.babymugging.org

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Cheese challenge– taking a cheese slice and throwing it into your kids face to see if it sticks and they laugh.

No kids and single- 

Dog moms rap: it’s an oldie but a goodie.

Casually strolling with a turd in my hand…..

This song’s for all the ladies who provide for their pup.

‘Cause they say you ain’t my baby, but I know that ain’t true!

Yo I don’t need a man to come home to, cos my bed is a literal bone zone. Fall asleep to the sound of you licking your parts…. (T-Spoon & ZZ Tophalf)

Dog Cheese Challenge- don’t have a baby, just need cheese and a pet!

There’s just not enough around for the singles.

We make too much food and have no one else to eat it so it gets thrown out, or like me, have a freezer full of leftovers I don’t want. On the flip side, why cook for one, just eat too much takeaway!

There’s no one to help with maintenance jobs so I have one light out that I can’t reach. I google everything or call Mum and Dad for a second opinion.

Hi Mum, I’m just wondering…. can you give me a second opinion on… (I really don’t have a clue but I’m 38 and should stop calling my parents)

Google:

• What is a cubic metre?
• Where is Niger?
• How many kids does Constance Hall have?
• Can dogs overdose on flea medication?
• What did Luke Perry die from? 😩

Working in HR, I’d get personal leave requests when employees had to be a carer. Fair Work Australia states eligibility for carers leave:

A member of the employee’s immediate family means a spouse, de facto partner, child, parent, grandparent, grandchild or sibling of an employee; or a child, parent, grandparent, grandchild or sibling of the employee’s spouse or de facto partner.

My family includes my parents, sister, dog and best friends. Is the immediate family definition old fashioned now?

We take melatonin to fall asleep by ourselves, coffee to wake us up in the morning. We tell our dogs about our day, and we ask them about theirs!

Don’t forget the single people.

The challenge

I’ve detoxed off dating apps for a month. It actually feels amazing!

I wanted to work on myself without distractions. Imagine if I gave myself the same time and effort I’ve put into online dating. Let’s face it, the never ending cycle of men that don’t reply, sleazy come ons and small talk was exhausting.

Power is making decisions (The Outlaw King)

The first week off dating apps, I still needed a ‘hit’ from my phone. I was so used to checking it and notifications going off, I started messaging people more. I was proud of myself for starting conversations with people that I might not have if I was busy with dating apps. Then I realised…. I’m not chatting with ‘people’, I’m chatting with men. Single men. Single male friends. I’d just substituted Bumble for Messenger!

I eased off Messenger. Whatsapp became my next forum but at least I was communicating with girlfriends.

Matthew Hussey has some good advise on dating but also about being your best self. He set challenges for things to try….

The first time I walked past a good looking stranger- epic fail!

I found myself automatically looking down, or looking anywhere else, than directly at them.

As I live in an inner city, busy, beachside area there’s plenty of good looking strangers to practise on. Now that I’ve got my head held high and I’m trying to make eye contact, I may seem like a smiling psycho…..but I’m hoping it starts to become more natural!

I’m struggling with this one. I talk to strangers when I’m walking the dog and I’m nice but I don’t think that counts. I’ll have to keep an eye out for an opportunity.

I registered for Social Sixes (Cricket Victoria).

I didn’t go.

But I have lots of ideas for activities to try in the summer holidays.

Have I got fitter and healthier in the last month? No. I’ve drank more beer and eaten more chips than ever before.

Have I had a nice break from the dating merry-go-round, swiping R.S.I., bad spelling, mixed messages, and filthy suggestions? Yes. Let’s call it a success!

How to lose a girl in 7 days

There’s a major disconnect between men and women’s expectations and how we communicate. When my first relationship was struggling, I read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.’ It was so insightful, I asked my partner to read it so we could discuss it and understand each other better. However, when we talked about it, he had interpreted it entirely different!

Craig David sings ‘7 days’ and the song starts off like he’s picking up a ‘lady of the night’ off the street but then he sings about caring for her, she’s a special lady, and can call him any time ”Cause I’m a man who’ll always be there (oh yeah)”.

“I met this girl on Monday.

Took her for a drink on Tuesday.

We were making love by Wednesday.

And then on Thursday and Friday and Saturday.

We chilled on Sunday.”

Women hear things like this and might think If I sleep with him, he will start to care for me. (Even though he’s said he just wants something casual.)

Men hear things like this and might think She’ll be happy to jump into bed with me even if we’ve just met and know nothing about each other. 

Online dating turn off’s:

• Bad photos– no smile/no teeth, not showing your eyes (the eyes are the window to the soul!), photos are 10 years old and you no longer look like that, photos of so many men we don’t know which one you are or photos of photos (what the?).
• Messaging multiple times before receiving a reply
• One word answers
• Not asking us any get-to-know-you questions
• Telling us how you like ‘IT’, without being asked (this includes unsolicited D pics)
• Work cover injury (The assumptions are that your job is unsafe, you are unsafe, or you are a con artist)
• Gambling debts (you can’t manage your finances or are addicted, you won’t be able to care for someone else’s life if you can’t manage your own)
• Living at home with your parents because there’s no work available ‘at the moment’ (as above)
• Lack of effort and poor first impression- no eye contact, very casual clothes. A friend once cut off a guy as he wore thongs (flip flops/jandles) to a date.
• Taking more than 3 days to reply. If you are interested, then respond to her messages in a timely manner!
• Anti-Feminist comments such as

“Girls are still single as they are far too independent these days. My (Italian) Mum takes care of the cooking and cleaning and looking after us as she loves it and has good family values.”

*It’s fine if a woman CHOOSES to look after a man. But she can also choose not to. My second relationship failed as I refused to do all the cooking, cleaning, wash and fold his clothes. I didn’t want to be like his Mother. I wanted a partner.

What turns you off??

My single vows

I have lost count of the amount of weddings I’ve been to over the years. Up until last night, the last one was about 3 years ago and there was not one single man there- none!

Getting ready for the latest wedding event, I suddenly thought

‘I might be the last single person left. What if the bride calls for the single ladies to catch the bouquet and it’s just me?!’

I tried to prepare myself for that moment and to find the courage to strive forward with conviction that I was single and proud. Luckily that moment never came. The bride didn’t throw her bouquet so we never had to find out who was still single. Let’s face it, why give away a gorgeous bouquet and the girl that catches it never gets married next!

I’ve written my own single vows.

I promise that I will never feel like half a person as I don’t have a partner.

I will take every opportunity to try new things, seek adventure, make new friends and enjoy the freedom that single life allows.

I will always love my baby, Sophie the dog, no matter how bad she smells and keep trying to find the source of her numerous allergies.

I will set myself up for success so that I can’t be a failure.

I’ve also imagined my partners vows! Yep, that’s what happens after hearing so many other people declare their love for each other’s little annoying personal traits or cute couple habits.

The need for a partner is changing

For some species, the involvement of males in the reproductive process is entirely optional. While the males may exist, they are not essential to reproduction. Lots of animals can reproduce without male involvement, from the smallest insects to the biggest reptiles. Asexual reproduction comes in many forms too, from basic cell reproduction to complex cloning cycles.

The life cycle of this little starfish is looking bright. I don’t have a partner but I would still like the option of having a baby one day. I met with Dr Rachael Knight about my fertility options. After waiting in the reception area at Melbourne IVF, I ascended the steep stairs and she met me at the top of the stairs with a welcoming smile and a positive approach to an exciting step in my life. She was a breath of fresh air.

I’ve previously heard:

“Have you tried internet dating?” (Duh!)

“37 years and 6 months… don’t get your hopes up”

“Are you dating anyone at the moment? (No) Well, you don’t have long.”

“Awww (to another friend), this is the last baby our group of friends will have”

The blood test results that I had done were in from my doctor and Dr Knight politely and professionally explained that they were good, as she expected. I have the average amount of eggs for someone my age, not too low and not high. It would be less than someone younger but she explained that between 33 and 39 years old is a good time to look at egg freezing.

There’s quite a few steps involved to start this process. It’s important to get an AHM test from your GP. Dr Knight then referred me for another blood test that looks for any serious genetic diseases such as cystic fibrosis. You can choose which ones you test for (which is incredible) but seeing as I may end up considering whether to raise my baby alone, and already have a complex disease with Type 1 diabetes, I said “test them all!” This is approx $400.

Following this blood test, I’ll have an ultrasound. Not just any ultrasound though, the brochure says a virginal ultrasound (gulp) “to measure the endometrial thickness, size and number of follicles in both ovaries” (Pathway of care, Melbourne IVF). Then meeting with a nurse, we will establish counselling and the costs involved with the intent to commence hormone injections in a months time!

Before leaving the appointment, Dr Knight advised me that starting to fall pregnant naturally at this time would be the preference. Egg freezing has only a 50 % success rate. We will aim for 10-20 eggs as they individually only have a 5% chance of fertilisation. They have sperm donors if I was interested in that process. She suggested I might also like to consider getting pregnant at 39 and keeping the eggs frozen for a second baby when I’m then over 40.

I hope that one day I do find an amazing partner. For those of you unsure how it’s going to work out for you, just keep swimming! There’s plenty of fish in the sea and many options available today. Work out what is going to make you happy, and go for it.

Dating excuses- how quickly the tide turns

Photo by Pok Rie on Pexels.com

The tide of the ocean can seem to turn quickly at times. You may be walking along on a wide stretch of sturdy sand, feeling like you are walking straight ahead with a clear direction and the knowledge that one foot will follow the other at a repetitive and comfortable pace. Suddenly a big wave comes up to change the shoreline and chases you sideways while you desperately try to keep your shoes dry. You end up sidestepping or hop along with one wet shoe, having to scurry up the beach a bit more and jump over the seaweed or rotting jellyfish lying abandoned from an earlier tide. The wave may be so big it stops you from continuing and forces you to take a new path, moving off the beach altogether.