The Paper Bag Princess

There’s been two Royal weddings of late- Meghan and Harry and recently Princess Eugenie. Meghan and Harry have just made their way to Australia where they excitedly announced their baby news and met hoards of Primary School students. Why? So the kids become emotionally invested in their lives, respect and love them and won’t want to leave the Commonwealth when they grow up. That’s one of my theories anyway. Yet, as girls grow into women, we want them to be more realistic about their lives and rather than hope to fall in love with a prince, or be rescued by a prince, they can recognise fairy tales from hard work, strength and resilience.

“The paper bag princess” by Robert Munsch is a must read for a girl of any age! It’s a tale that starts off with the typical characters- a prince, princess (well, his fiance) and a dragon. However it is the prince that gets kidnapped by the dragon and needs rescuing by the princess! She hurriedly gets dressed to save him and wears only a paper bag to run after him and attempt to outwit the dragon.

When she encounters the dragon, Elizabeth outwits him by asking him to perform feats of strength until he passes out. Elizabeth then passes the dragon and goes to save Ronald. However, when Ronald sees Elizabeth in a paper bag, rather than beautiful princess clothes, he is aghast. Ronald yells at Elizabeth to come back when she looks like a “real princess”. Our heroic Paper Bag Princess swiftly replies by saying, “You look like a real Prince, but you are a bum.” She takes off her crown, and gleefully dances into the sunset. (Credit: https://www.teachingchildrenphilosophy.org/BookModule/ThePaperBagPrincess)

This paper bag princess is now single but strong! I can identify with Elizabeth as I want to meet someone that accepts me as I am. If I have to change to please him, then I am not going to please myself. After being gaslighted in a previous relationship, I truly believe that you need to be happy in yourself, with yourself, by yourself.

When dating and speaking to friends about trying to meet someone, I’ve been given the following advise:

• Write a list of everything that you want in a partner and it will come true. It has to be specific though, or it won’t come true
• Make space in your wardrobe and clear out a drawer for a future partner. When you have made the physical space, the partner will come
• Expand your age range, you need to go for older men (try a lot older)
• Try to meet men with kids
• You need to wear lipstick
• Get the ‘girls’ out (boobs)

When you do meet someone online, frequent questioning is along the lines of ‘What are you looking for?’ I’ve tried to communicate what I’m looking for in a couple of different ways as if you tell most guys that you want a relationships that’s a quick turn off and has them running for the hills! I’ve previously tried ‘casual but respectful’, and something like ‘looking for a connection’ or someone that wants to get to know me.

I’ve been on four dates with Mr Suave now and neither of us have asked what the other is looking for. I think we are just enjoying getting to know each other. I have put in some effort with hair, make up and clothes and get nervous putting myself out there with high school type doubts ‘what if he doesn’t like me?’. On each occasion I’ve forced any doubts away and reassured myself ‘just be yourself, you are worth getting to know.’

I’ve just realised that I’m not looking for a relationship. Well not just any relationship. If I was, I’d be happy to go out with anyone that was single that I could pair up with. I’m the paper bag princess. I want someone to like me just the way I am. If that’s make -up free in my PJ’s then that’s my paper bag. I’m happy to rescue my prince but he also needs to be respectful, kind, and appreciate me. I certainly don’t need to be rescued…I am single but strong.

Off I go, gleefully dancing into the sunset.

Photo by luizclas on Pexels.com

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How to lose a girl in 7 days

There’s a major disconnect between men and women’s expectations and how we communicate. When my first relationship was struggling, I read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.’ It was so insightful, I asked my partner to read it so we could discuss it and understand each other better. However, when we talked about it, he had interpreted it entirely different!

Craig David sings ‘7 days’ and the song starts off like he’s picking up a ‘lady of the night’ off the street but then he sings about caring for her, she’s a special lady, and can call him any time ”Cause I’m a man who’ll always be there (oh yeah)”.

“I met this girl on Monday.

Took her for a drink on Tuesday.

We were making love by Wednesday.

And then on Thursday and Friday and Saturday.

We chilled on Sunday.”

Women hear things like this and might think If I sleep with him, he will start to care for me. (Even though he’s said he just wants something casual.)

Men hear things like this and might think She’ll be happy to jump into bed with me even if we’ve just met and know nothing about each other. 

Online dating turn off’s:

• Bad photos– no smile/no teeth, not showing your eyes (the eyes are the window to the soul!), photos are 10 years old and you no longer look like that, photos of so many men we don’t know which one you are or photos of photos (what the?).
• Messaging multiple times before receiving a reply
• One word answers
• Not asking us any get-to-know-you questions
• Telling us how you like ‘IT’, without being asked (this includes unsolicited D pics)
• Work cover injury (The assumptions are that your job is unsafe, you are unsafe, or you are a con artist)
• Gambling debts (you can’t manage your finances or are addicted, you won’t be able to care for someone else’s life if you can’t manage your own)
• Living at home with your parents because there’s no work available ‘at the moment’ (as above)
• Lack of effort and poor first impression- no eye contact, very casual clothes. A friend once cut off a guy as he wore thongs (flip flops/jandles) to a date.
• Taking more than 3 days to reply. If you are interested, then respond to her messages in a timely manner!
• Anti-Feminist comments such as

“Girls are still single as they are far too independent these days. My (Italian) Mum takes care of the cooking and cleaning and looking after us as she loves it and has good family values.”

*It’s fine if a woman CHOOSES to look after a man. But she can also choose not to. My second relationship failed as I refused to do all the cooking, cleaning, wash and fold his clothes. I didn’t want to be like his Mother. I wanted a partner.

What turns you off??